Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, 'I know, I'll use threads' - and then two they hav erpoblesms.
A programmer is told to "go to hell", he finds the worst part of that statement is the "go to"
"It should be noted that no ethically-trained software engineer would ever consent to write a DestroyBaghdad procedure. Basic professional ethics would instead require him to write a DestroyCity procedure, to which Baghdad could be given as a parameter." - Nathaniel Borenstein
"I've got a really good UDP joke to tell you, but I absolutely don't care, whether you'll get it"
"What's the best part about TCP jokes? I get to keep telling them until you get them."
A SEO expert walks into a bar, pub, public house, inn, restaurant, club.
How many SEO engineers does it take to change a light bulb, lightbulb, globe, lamp, sex, xxx
99 little bugs in the code
99 bugs in the code
patch one down, compile it around
117 bugs in the code
A group of computer science geeks were listening to a lecture about Java programming at a university.
After the lecture, one of the men leaned over and grabbed a woman’s breast.
Woman: Hey! That’s private OK ?
The man hesitated for a second looking confused.
Man: But I thought we were in the same class.
In order to understand recursion you must first understand recursion.
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."
The man below replies, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"*
"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."
Programming is like sex. Make one mistake and you end up supporting it for the rest of your life.
Why do programmers confuse halloween and christmas? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.
Source - reddit.com